


Warbreed

by TsunadesApprentice



Category: The Aurora Cycle - Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Childhood, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Domestic Violence, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25253098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsunadesApprentice/pseuds/TsunadesApprentice
Summary: All little girls grow up, but only one little girl grew up as the daughter of the man who became known as the Sai'nuit.Saedii became the embodiment of what it was to be Warbreed, while her brother chose the opposite. What was it that shaped her to become that woman? What was her childhood like?
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people of the Aurora Burning fandom, and thank you for clicking on my fic.
> 
> I'm usually not one for tags or A/Ns as I hate spoilers and you're here to read a story about a book—not my waffle. That being said, this fic warrants them. I found Saedii a fascinating character in the book, but there was so much about her that made my imagination run wild. Two months later those thoughts have turned into this headcanon.
> 
> This fic is not a generally happy one. It's the story of a child growing up in an abusive family. There are moments of fluff, and light-heartedness, but there is domestic violence, abuse, neglect and sexual abuse and the effects thereof, with Saedii just 4 in this first chapter. I've kept the focus on the effects of these issues, rather than the abuse being inflicted, but please take care of yourself and think carefully about whether or not this is appropriate for you to read. If you have any questions or if you feel you need to talk after reading this or the fic, I'm here for anything you need. 
> 
> Finally, grammatical mistakes and the general style have been chosen to reflect Saedii's age in each chapter. She's a child and therefore an unreliable narrator. 
> 
> Disclaimer: The Aurora Cycle and all associated media are the property of Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff. This is a work of fanfiction and is made purely for the enjoyment of fans.

Her knee hurt. 

It had happened that morning, but still, as she sat on the soft pillows with her mama, looking at a hologram, it hurt. 

"What is it?" Saedii demanded. It was just patches of black, grey and white. And it was blobby. She looked to her mama, face scrunched up. 

Her mama's face was soft and happy, her mouth smiling in a way Saedii didn't understand. 

Mama's arm tightened where it lay wrapped around Saedii's body and she flinched, but her mama just pulled her closer, so their heads were pressed together. Her voice was soft as she said, "It's your brother." 

Saedii frowned. It didn't look much like a brother. It didn't look much like anything. She frowned even more. 

Her mama laughed quietly and grasped her hand. Mama's hand was nothing like Father's, it was soft and smooth, not hard and pushy. Shaping her much smaller hand so that she was pointing with her pointy-finger, Mama moved their hands to point at a part of the blob. "This is his head," she said, moving their fingers in a circle around a smaller part of the white blob. The whole thing looked like when Saedii had dripped her breakfast on the kitchen table: two big drips that had looked like one big blob, and another just after that was just a bit together with the first two but not as big. "And this," she went on, and Saedii could feel her mama's smile against her cheek, "Is his body." Their fingers moved to the bigger splodge of white. 

Saedii wasn't so sure. It didn't look much like a brother, or really much like anything. Some of her classmates had brothers, or sisters. Some were bigger than them, some were still babies, and some were  _ really  _ big, like the grown-ups. This white thing didn't look like any of them. Maybe, she thought, this was like how her classmates were different to her: some of them even had birthday parties and got the toys she'd seen between cartoons. She never got anything like that. Just old toys from her cousins. Maybe her brother was the same: not a proper brother like the others, just this…  _ thing _ . 

Or maybe, her mother was wrong about it. Father always said Mama was wrong about things. That she didn't know what she was talking about. And Saedii knew that if Mama and Father told her to do different things she  _ had  _ to do what  _ he _ said, or she'd be in trouble. Mama did, too. Father was always right. 

But she didn't say a thing. Not about her brother, not about her knee. She just let Mama hold her and tell her quietly about the white blob, and enjoyed her mama holding her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spelling and grammar mistakes are intentional. Enjoy!

Her side hurt. 

The floor of the playground was uncomfortable, but her side hurt worser. She had a big green and yellow bruise on it and it hurt every time she poked it, like she was doing now. 

"What  _ are _ you doing, girl?" 

Saedii looked up at the woman standing over her. Her face was cross, but Saedii didn't answer. 

One of the other teachers, much younger than Saedii's normal teacher, crouched down in front of her. "What's the matter?" she asked. 

Saedii liked her. Teacher Melea didn't shout or tell them off like Teacher Karain did, and she always hugged  _ everyone,  _ not just the 'good' children. She even hugged Saedii. 

"Did you hurt your side?" she went on when Saedii didn't answer. 

"She's fine!" Teacher Karain said in a loud, angry voice. "She's in trouble and now she's sulking. She's been fighting with the other children again. Typical Warbreed! Fighting, fighting, fighting, eh?" 

The last word was directed at Saedii, as the woman bent down to grab her shoulder in her hard fingers and jerk her. 

"Always fighting: no better than an animal!" Another jerk. 

Stupid woman. Saedii hated her. 

"What? Can't talk, either?" she went on, shaking her shoulder enough that Saedii spun around a bit, and Saedii jumped up, angry, kicking at the woman—

"Okay, okay!" Teacher Melea's voice cut across the anger ringing in Saedii's head, and her hands took hold of Saedii's arms, pulling her back, out of reach. But Saedii couldn't stop. "It's okay." 

"What's this, eh?" Teacher Karain demanded, leaning down to grab hold of Saedii's shoulder again. The other one, this time. At least that side didn't hurt, but Saedii fought against the grip on her arms. 

She was surprised when one hand let go, then the hand on her shoulder was pushed away, scratching as it went. 

"It's okay, I've got class with her next anyway," the younger woman said, talking to her normal teacher and pulling Saedii closer to herself. "I'll take her in now. The rest of the class can stay out here a bit longer." 

"A wild beast, that's all she is!" Teacher Karin shouted, "She'll stay right here, with me! Thinking she can kick me—" 

Teacher Melea stood up behind her, letting go of her arm but taking hold of her hand in a tight grip. "No, it's fine, I'll take her—really," she continued when the old woman started to argue, "I don't mind at all! Come on, Saedii, let's go!" 

Saedii had no choice. The hand holding hers was too tight and the woman was too strong for Saedii to fight, she knew from all the times Teacher Melea had stopped her fighting with her classmates. 

"Come on, you," her teacher said, leading her in from the playground and back into the classroom. They crossed straight to the teacher's desk, where Teacher Melea sat and lifted her to sit in her lap. 

Saedii looked at her feet dangling above the floor. 

"Why were you in trouble?" 

Saedii shrugged her shoulders, then prodded at her bruised side. 

"I think you know…" the woman said, quietly. She didn't shout like teacher Kariin. "Why did you get in a fight?" 

"'Cause I was angry." 

Melea's mouth changed to a small frown. "That's okay, but hurting your classmates isn't. You understand that's why you were in trouble, right?" 

Saedii shrugged again. That wasn't what Father said, but her teachers said it was wrong. 

"Did you hurt your side?" 

Saedii nodded a bit, still watching her feet. She knew she wasn't allowed to complain, but she wasn't allowed to lie. Father got angry if she did. 

"Can I have a look?" 

Saedii stayed quiet. She didn't like people seeing her bruises. They always asked too many questions and then she got in trouble at home. 

"Sweetheart, please?" 

Teacher Melea reached up and gently tucked a bit of hair behind Saedii's ear. This was why Saedii liked her. She didn't understand her, but Teacher Melea was always nice and she almost never made Saedii do anything she didn't want to. 

"Can I give you a hug?" 

Saedii didn't answer, but she leaned against the woman and wrapped her arms around her neck. She flinched when two arms wrapped around her, but then relaxed. Teacher Melea was warm and soft and smelt nice, and it made the anger in her feel smaller and smaller the longer she held on. 

Soon the sound of her classmates came from the hallway, then the sound of the door opening and chattering children coming into the room, but Saedii stayed there in that warm hug and didn't complain, even when her teacher stood up and started the lesson, carrying her around as she cheered up a crying boy and helping another take off a jumper. Eventually she asked Saedii if she was ready to go sit down yet, but Saedii just held on tighter. She didn't want to move at all. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: referenced molestation of a young child. There is nothing explicit but please read with caution.  
> There are happier chapters coming, so skip this one if you feel you need to.

Saedii tried not to move as her mama rubbed cream into the dark bruise on her shoulder. It hurt, but Father said she wasn't supposed to react to things that hurt—that only the weak cared about things like that. 

But that didn't mean she didn't feel it, and liked the cream: it always made things feel better and it smelled like Mama. 

Or it used to. 

Mama didn't have bruises anymore… She hadn't had any in months and now only her hands ever smelt of the cream. 

It wasn't that Mama didn't make Father angry now, Saedii could always tell when he was angry, but he didn't hurt Mama anymore. Or at least not much. 

Her fingers prodded at her shoulder again as Mama closed the cream and put it away by the bed. It still hurt, but it'd be better soon.

She stayed still as her mama started combing and braiding her wet hair, then hurried to put on the clothes lying on the bed. 

"Breakfast will be ready in a minute, so hurry up getting dressed," Mama said, watching to make sure Saedii put on her underwear the right way before leaving the room. 

She hadn't asked about the bruise. It was the school holiday. No one would ask. But the t-shirt on the bed was thick and covering enough to hide the green mark, even though it was already too hot for a t-shirt like this today. 

Saedii didn't understand what was happening today. 

She hadn't had to train this morning and she didn't know why. She had to train every day. But this morning Father had left for work without saying anything. Maybe that was why he'd come to see her last night?

Saedii had been in bed when he'd come in. She'd been scared she was in trouble again, because he never came to her room except to wake her up for training, but he hadn't been angry, she didn't think. He'd been nice last night and she knew she'd made him happy somehow—he'd said so and she'd felt it. But he'd held her shoulder so hard, had told her not to make a sound. 

She hadn't. She'd done as he'd said. 

She poked the bruise again. 

She didn't understand adults at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a tiny fandom, but I'd really appreciate your feedback! What can I do to improve? What do you like/dislike? What would you like to see?  
> Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another tiny chapter. They get longer as she gets older, I swear. Let me know what you think!

Her butt stung as she landed on the ground. 

"Faster!" Father said, voice quiet but sharp. "If you see an opening you take it!" 

She climbed to her feet and fell back into her stance. 

Father nodded to her and she moved in towards him, knees bent slightly, arms and hands in the position he'd shown her. She'd spent days repeating the kata, first with his hands guiding and correcting her movements, then alone. Now she was using it against an opponent. 

She scanned his stance, waiting for the opening she knew would come. It'd be different to the last one, but similar enough that—

There! 

She lunged, body twisting to throw her weight behind the blow, the movement coming naturally by now—but her timing had been off. Still, he let her land the hits, then retalitated in a familiar move—she'd learnt this one just a few weeks ago. 

Another opening—the one she'd missed last time—appeared, perfect for the kick she'd learned before this move, and she moved to take advantage. 

"Good. Again." 

Saedii stepped back, moving back into her starting stance. 

Again and again and again. 

She couldn't count how often she fell. 

She could count now, all the way to twelve, but after that the numbers were hard. She'd fallen four more times than twelve, she thought. 

The last three repetitions she'd done right. 

That meant that she could fight however she wanted this time.

This was her favourite part of the morning.

She didn't wait for an opening: she wouldn't get one this time.

The fight didn't last long. It never did. But it was fun and, when they entered the kitchen and her father gave her a cookie to eat while she waited for breakfast, she knew he was happy with her. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of fluff this time, and no chapter warnings for once.

It was a good thing Father wasn't in the room to see her fingers tremble as she reached out to touch the tiny face. 

Her brother. 

Saedii had seen enough pictures of him from when he was growing in her mama that she'd known he wasn't just the strange thing she'd seen the first time, but this was a real brother, with tiny hands and a tiny nose, and he squirmed and wriggled around in Mama's arms. 

"His name's Kaliis," Mama said, smiling. "Do you want to hold him?" 

She wasn't sure. What was she supposed to do with him, anyway? He looked a lot like the dolls some of her classmates played with, but Saedii didn't really like playing with them at all. But it seemed like Mama wanted her to say yes, so that's what she said. 

"Sit down here, then," Mama said, patting the space next to her. "You need to hold him gently, but so that he doesn't fall."

Saedii nodded but looked towards the kitchen where she could hear her father moving around. He always told her off if she didn't do things strongly enough. Warbreeds were strong, not weak like the others. Mama always said the opposite. 

"Saedii, you must be careful with him. Do you understand?" Mama said, and Saedii could feel her mind against her own, could feel that this was important. 

"Yes, Mama," she said, quietly, so that maybe Father wouldn't hear. 

"Good girl." 

Kaliis was heavier than she'd expected when Mama put him in her lap, and still asleep. Saedii didn't know what to do with him. Mama helped her hold him properly, but then what? He was so small, and he wasn't doing anything. 

She'd seen pictures of herself when she was that little, and he looked like her. But all the babies she'd seen looked the same so maybe that was normal. But he didn't have the same black hair as Saedii, or Mama. He had hair like Father—just a lot less of it. 

She'd waited months to meet him and, even though he was actually really boring, Saedii was excited to finally see him. 

"You're a big sister now," Mama said, putting an arm around Saedii. "What do you think of that?" 

Saedii didn't know. "What do big sisters do?" she asked. 

"Lots of things," Mama said with a smile. You'll help him, you'll show him how to do things and how not to. You'll make each other crazy," she said, and Saedii knew she was teasing from the tone of her voice but Saedii was too fascinated by Kaliis to look away. "And… you'll hate each other at times, even while you love each other."

Mama brushed a loose strand of Saediis hair back, and stroked her head. "I think you'll be an amazing big sister with that fierce heart of yours." 

Father came into the room then, and Saedii stayed quiet, looking down at the baby. 

She did love him, even though she'd only just met him. 


	6. Chapter 6

Being a big sister wasn't anywhere near as exciting as she'd thought it would be.

She'd thought she'd have someone to play with and train with, but Kaliis just slept and screamed and pooped. 

Still, she stayed with him when he was awake and she wasn't in school or training with Father, trying to figure out what to do with him. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't even walk around. The only thing he could do was pull her hair or her clothes. 

She could feel his mind though, and he was excited by everything. Especially her. 

Hearing him gurgle in his bed Saedii went over and poked her head over the side, already tall enough that she only had to stand on her toes a little bit to see in. The happiness that filled her mind, his happiness, almost made her smile. But Father had told her off for that. She was Warbreed. 

Instead, she went to the table and took one of the toys. It was a drakkan. It was small and soft and she liked it. Kaliis liked it as well. 

Back at the bed, she poked the head of the drakkan over the edge, wiggling it to get her brother's attention. She knew as soon as he saw it by the feeling of his mind, and she waved the drakkan through the air, making it fly. 

Standing on her toes again, she watched him wave his arms as he tried to catch the toy. It didn't take long for him to start getting angry that he couldn't. 

It felt so much like her own anger that she thought it was, until he squealed angrily. 

He was like her. 

Surprised, she gave him the drakkan, watching him drop it, then try to grab it. Her parents had said he couldn't do things right yet. That he needed to learn. But he always seemed to grab her hair fine. 

Saedii watched him struggle for a minute to take hold of the drakkan, and she was surprised by what she felt. 

Kaliis was angry inside. 

Just like her. 


End file.
